Lessons On Personal Development: #3 Being More Self-Reliant
If you have to rely on yourself, you try harder, and when you try harder, you feel bigger. Choose to rely on yourself. Learn to become the only person you go to whenever you need to make a decision.
Have you noticed that there are some people in your circle that most of the time just come to you with an announcement of a mature and positive decision that they’ve made, and you can hardly recall a time when they asked anyone to help them on deciding it? Trust me, if you feel good about those people — then they feel twice as good about themselves. That is what I call accountability or self-sufficiency.
Examples: Should I buy that jacket or not? Should I make the call that I’ve been postponing it for so long or not? Which course should I enroll in? If he asks me about my future plans, what should I respond to that?
Don’t get me wrong, I know that sometimes there are some basic things in life that are very similar to each other according to our own value systems and we simply cannot decide which one do we actually prefer (trust me — Libra speaking). But regardless of the situation, you can always turn the switch and change your own personal decision-making approach. You can start relying on your own reasoning instead of going to other people and asking them to guide you on something that I’ve used the word “own” three times to describe.
Start a disciplined practice of continually making your own choices and try to enjoy the outcome regardless if it is positive or not.
If you happen to choose the good option: Great! You will be immensely proud for making your own decision. You get one step closer to yourself! And what if you choose the wrong option? Great! By knowing what doesn't make you feel good, you get one step closer to yourself. Either way, you win! It’s the sweet juice of self-responsibility that you should create a healthy habit for.
Are you people-dependable in some of your life segments? How to become more self-reliant and count on yourself for everything in life, much beyond the simple decision making? How to set yourself free? How can you grow?
1. Test yourself and monitor your neediness
Think about the last big decision that you made. Who did you go to before announcing it as an official? Monitor yourself throughout the day when making regular and small decisions. Do you feel the urge to go to someone? Did you go to someone yesterday about those same things? Be fully sincere with yourself so you can find the place where the self-growth should begin. And don't forget that we all need others at times but we should be careful not to adopt a belief that we cannot figure things out without their help— that is a very self-limiting place to be.
2. Be your own best friend: trust that gut feeling
Those who are struggling with their self-reliance will often require reassurance from others to know if they are doing the right thing. Stop looking to others for confirmation or affirmation and learn to trust your own desires and instincts. Trust me, the gut is almost never wrong. Call it an instinct or intuition, but that immediate feeling or reaction you get without a logical rationale is most of the time the best advisor you can get.
3. Quiet Confidence: Clap for yourself
Self-reliant people don’t need to tell everyone about their positive attributes. They will maybe tell about one or two, but they will never share all of them. They don’t need to prove themselves to anyone. They are kind, calm, and pulled-together. They are comfortable with themselves and feel happy in their own skins. We all know someone whose quiet successes make them intriguing and compelling, and we admire their way of handling things. You can also become one of them by making your own decisions, starting today. At times we all need other people’s advice but what makes people self-reliant is that they are curious to see if they can solve issues on their own and they don't have even the slightest urge to double-check the results with anyone else.
4. People and possessions are not the sources of your happiness
Avoid relying on things and items to feel happy and distance yourself from people you feel overly-attached to. Try spending some time alone to start seeing inwards. It’s also a good way to mentally check all of your relationships and possible dependables. The healthy people in your life will give you space when you need it, then be glad to see you return. Remember, chaining your happiness to anything external, whether it’s SOMEONE or SOMETHING else, means you aren’t enough grounded in your self-reliance.
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Now gently let yourself free from those tiny puppet strings, one tiny decision after another. You have to put in the work, but what is there more rewarding than the work that makes you feel that you are finally living a genuinely authentic life? Start embracing your own responsibilities and you will thrive. Be kind to yourself and the process itself will do the rest of the magic.
